What’s the strangest customer service telephone call you had in 2009?

I have one, and fortunately, I taped it. [Actual audio links are at the bottom.]

The latest sting perpetrated on us by software companies is that employees at their call centers attempt to charge us for technical support because of flaws in their own stupid software. I mean, you shell out $100 for a package, and when it doesn’t work properly, the person at the call center tries to hook you into spending more money to fix it.

However, whether you get charged or not is often up to the customer service rep. Now I’m not going to name the software company involved here because, honestly, I don’t want to get this dude fired. He lives in India. He’s worked for the company for two years. And I like his style. Enough said.

But here’s the rub: He was trying to charge me $80 to install his company’s financial software. I rebelled.  Explained that the salesman said installation was free. Then we struck a gentlemen’s agreement. I would grant him access to my computer if he could look around and examine some of my software programs. Seems that he likes software that Americans have on our computers.

Sounds strange, I know. But remember he is earning the equivalent of about $2,000 U.S. dollars a year helping people like me. He could poke around — with me watching — and have some fun. And maybe I could save $80.

Turns out this guy has a massive infatuation with Microsoft Office. Once, he saw that Microsoft Word installed, he was mesmerized and couldn’t wait to try the buttons and ask me questions.

“We don’t have Microsoft Word here,” he said about his office setup.

“What do you use?” I asked.

“Chris,” he answered, as he continued to push the various tabs to see what Word can do.

“Do you have a computer at home?” I asked.

“I’m planning on getting one.”

Before that, I never realized before that many of the people who help us overseas probably don’t make enough to buy the products that they know (supposedly) so well. They talk to a guy like me who spends more money on electronic equipment than they earn in an entire year. Sometimes, we’re nice to them. Sometimes, we’re not. Whatever.

We spent 10 minutes talking about whatever he wanted to talk about. I was in no hurry. Obviously, he wasn’t being carefully monitored by his supervisor.

“There’s a lot to learn,” he said at one point. “Study never ends.” (Tell me about it.)

Finally, he asked what I did for a living, and I showed him my Web sites.  When he asked what WatchdogNation does, and I explained its purpose, his reaction was abrupt:

“Can you minimize it?” he asked about WatchdogNation.com’s home page.

He quickly turned to my problem. Fun time was over. In minutes, he fixed my installation problem.

And, no, he didn’t charge me.

Listen to Part One of Dave Lieber’s Wackiest Customer Service Call of 2009 here.

Listen to Part Two of Dave Lieber’s Wackiest Customer Service Call of 2009 here.

What was your wackiest call?

Dave Lieber, The Watchdog columnist for The Fort Worth Star-Telegram, is the founder of Watchdog Nation. The new 2010 edition of his book, Dave Lieber’s Watchdog Nation: Bite Back When Businesses and Scammers Do You Wrong, is out. Revised and expanded, the bookwon two national book awards in 2009 for social change. Twitter @DaveLieber

Every day of every week, I get mail and e-mails from Americans who want help fighting corruption and stupidity in government and business.

Today, for example, I heard from Bill, who has been trying for weeks to get someone from a local hospital to help him with a bill that he says he doesn’t owe.

I heard from Cecelia, an 80-year-old woman who has called her satellite TV company many times without success to complain about poor wiring. When she finally cancelled, they sent a collection agency to harass her “with daily calls, morning, noon and night. I have medical conditions that have been aggravated by these calls.”

And I heard from Gwen, 88, whose cable TV company assured her the installation charge would be $9.99. Instead, she got a bill for $149.95.

Fortunately, I’ve been doing this long enough so that I know key executives at each of these companies. I’ve already sent copies of letters from Bill, Cecelia and Gwen. I expect all three will hear from these companies in the next few days.

But this silly procedure of mine – taking complaints and passing them on – doesn’t get to the root of the problem. It’s a temporary fix. I help one, but thousands suffer from the same problem.

Each of these companies has broken or struggling customer-service cultures. OK, that’s putting it kindly. They stink. They rot to hell. They ruin days and nights for their customers with their never-ending incompetence.

And that’s the reason I can’t get David Avrin’s story out of my mind. I always wondered what happens behind the secretive doors of America’s top corporations when top executives figure out that they need to bring somebody in from the outside to help their employees see the light.

David Avrin | The Visibility Coach

Avrin, known as The Visibility Coach, is one of the smartest people I’ve met when it comes to image-building and branding. He understands the trinity of media, public relations and advertising as well as anyonee’s a classy guy, too – Don Draper without the adultery. His specialty is coaching chief executive officers.

And that’s how he ended up telling the story about how he was called into a major corporation to help settle internal customer-service issues. But then, as he explains, he walks into a huge trap of his own making. He’s sitting there, facing the CEO, and because of his own boneheaded move, he has nothing left to give.

Avrin’s brutal honestly in his story helps me see how Bill, Cecelia and Gwen can’t get satisfaction. Please read David Avrin’s moving story here – and find out how he became part of the problem he was supposed to fix.

Today, we listen to Ruth Wingfield, a 98-year-old great-grandmother in Arlington, as she describes her bout with the Cigna Medicare Rx drug plan:

I’m really mad because they’ve got my money and won’t give it back. And I’m their customer.

This all started [in late February] because they suddenly started charging 40 cents a month, which I had to pay to them, not to the pharmacy here. Would you want to write a 40-cent check?

So I got a bill for three months for $1.20. I was trying to be nice. I was going to pay them for a year, $4.80.

I gathered up my three or four bills and wrote them out. They were all for around $100. When I got to this one, I was going to pay them for a year, $4.80; and so I wrote it for $480. I’m a crippled old woman. I was embarrassed to tell anybody. I pride myself on being careful, you know? My daughter could have made the same mistake.

I could have called the bank and stopped the check, but I thought they were honest. I called and got a supervisor, and he told me he would mail that check back. That was a month ago. I didn’t write his name down. Next time, I will.

This is what I got after that — a bill that shows I have a credit of $478. It says, “NO PREMIUM DUE! PLEASE DO NOT REMIT PAYMENT!”

I’m prepaid for a hundred years, and I may not live three days. Now does that make sense for your good customer?

See, they take advantage. They say, “That old woman is senile. She won’t remember.”

I called them two or three times, and they said, “It’s being processed.” But that’s my money, and I want it. Yeah, I got bills right here that I need to pay. My Social Security income is all the income I have. I’ve just got to be real careful. I’ve just got a limited amount that comes in. Wouldn’t you think a month would be long enough to process something?

I talked to my letter carrier and he told me that at the Star-Telegram, they got somebody down there that helps old ladies. Dogpatch or something. I found the directory and found the Star-Telegram number. I told the man on the phone that I want to talk to the people that help old ladies, the dogpatch guy.

Is that what you call our place?. Oh, Watchdog. See, you caught me in another mistake. Let me write that down. That wasn’t but too far off. This sure takes a knot out of my stomach.

Cigna response:

Now we hear from Lindsay Shearer of Cigna HealthCare:

The sum was wired to Mrs. Wingfield’s account. Everything has been resolved. Thank you for helping us get to her so we could take care of it quickly.

We will always look into a situation like this and remedy the process to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

As you know, we’re not able to speak about any individual’s specific situation because of both Cigna and federal privacy laws. What I can tell you is that refund requests are researched for verification and processed on a weekly basis. While we usually tell people they can expect a refund within 30 days, the refund checks typically arrive within 7-10 days. This is all within [federal] guidelines.

Member service representatives go through ongoing process and customer service training to understand the unique needs of seniors. While extremely rare, if the process breaks down for any reason, we take it very seriously and conduct a thorough review of the situation and then take the necessary steps, such as additional training, to make sure it does not happen again.

Not the way it used to be

Final words from Wingfield:

They just break my heart. It hurts to know the world has gone this way. And you know, I’m old-fashioned. I take it that everybody can be honest. But I guess it doesn’t work that way anymore.